So the last time I wrote my grandmother was in the hospital. She made it out and is home now. Alas this weekend I had to put down my dog. Lister was my 12 year old Boston Terrier fur baby, but due to health complications it was time. I’m gutted….like it feels like there is an actual whole in my soul.
It has got me thinking however, that once again a sad moment in my life has occurred and I’m finally taking time out of my busy schedule to write. With the hours I have been working, I’ve pretty much cast aside time to do my hobbies because I feel like there will be time later to work on my projects or chase down that dream. The truth hit hard today that there is no extra time.
We really only have today to make the most of our lives. To do what we love, to make mistakes, to learn and grow and make the world a better place. Each day is a gift and only you have the power to choose how you spend your time.
I will try to make space for the things I love because I don’t want to be on my death bed going well at least I worked really hard. I want to have adventures and stories to tell. I want to be able to say I lived, I helped others and I wasn’t afraid to do things my way.
Life is too short not to eat dessert and live like there is no tomorrow.
~ The Incidental Scribe
In Memory of Lister Sept 2, 2004- January 27, 2017
My grandmother is in the hospital. Now she seems to be on the mend, but it only reminds me that time is short. As she asks me the same question not even 30 minutes later, I realize that time can be disorted as memory fades.
It can be hard enjoying time with her like this. In my mind she is still the dancing partner I won awards with doing the chicken dance. She is the hard working woman who used to get up early to clean restaurants. The friend who would stay up late watching country music videos with me on sleep overs. And last, but not least the kind woman who would help out her friends and neighbours before herself.
Those are the memories I want to hold on to. I don’t want to remember her weak, in hospital bedd, losing her memory and telling me that life has lost it’s luster. I refuse to do so. If time can change her memory then it can change mine as well.
In the end it will be the good times I’ll hold on to. Even in this hospital we’ve had moments of laughter and it is those moments I see my grandmother as she was and always will be.
~The Incidental Scribe
Oh yes, I can take off years, but are you really seeing me. Does this face tell the story of my life or the experience you should see? What if I was to tone it down? How would the next picture be?
More lines and blemishes still this could take a while. I’m not made of plastic or a painting with Mona Lisa’s smile. What if there was no filter? Would I still be in style?
There are my laugh lines and freckles, all the things that make me real. This is the face that does not let others say how I should look or feel. So ladies if you’re with me stop these beauty ills.
I apologize immensely for not writing in a coons age, but man have I been busy living life. So in my attempt to dedicate myself to getting back into my writing projects I’m going to kick things off with an update of what I’ve been doing. So without further ado here is what the scribe has been up to.
One of the most important things I have done is finished my 18 months therapy program. For those of you who have read all of my posts you will remember that I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder in November of 2014. So I am proud to say that I stuck with the mentalization based therapy and although there is no “cure” I am off all anxiety and depression medications. I am also able to control myself better when derailed by emotion. I am going to miss the people I was in the group with. Yet I really do feel like I am a stronger person then I was going into this. I want to thank my Dr, my councilors and my friends and family for helping get through this and supporting me as I became the woman I wanted to be.
With the help from the therapy program I found the courage to enroll in a college prep program. I upgraded my math, chemistry, biology and physics marks. Sometimes it was frustrating as hell and I wanted to throw in the towel, but I stuck with it and got great marks too. Marks high enough for me to not only apply, but to be accepted for the biotechnology course at St Lawrence College. It’s a heavy science program that before I never would have imagined I’d get in, so I was ecstatic when I received my acceptance letter.
But now I needed way more money for tution and living expenses so I got a second job. I’m still DJing and hosting karaoke which I love. The days I’m not doing that I’m a sandwich artist at
Subway. It is interesting work and I’m learning a lot about food prep and the fast food industry. I do enjoy the job for the most part and it keeps me extremely busy.
The only downside is that OSAP might not give me a student loan and the banks have all ready said no due to some bad finsncial issues 4 years ago. I have a contingency plan though, I’ll just work both jobs and then apply again next year. Hopefully the free tution program Ontario is trying to create will be running then and I won’t have to worry about loans. I am too happy with myself that I have gotten this far to allow a bump in the road to bring me down.
In my down time I’ve been trying to get my fishing gear ready for bass fishing season, still play video games, read and do crafty things. Oh and I take care of my dog! My parents gave Lister my 11 year old Boston Terrier back to me finally. So the boyfriend and I have a happy furry face to greet us around the apartment again. That’s my life these days in a nutshell.
So I hope to post some more creative pieces for you soon and thank you for waiting for my return so patiently. Hugs and love to all.
~ The Incidental Scribe
This goes with my mental health day nicely. Rest up readers.