Drowned Brain

Day 2 and 3 of focusing on my language use was derailed by bad decisions. I don’t want you to think I purposely chose to be negative or that I just decided to say to heck with being positive. No, day 2 saw the insertion of a substance that always ruins my conversational efforts. This substance will be the main focus of this article. Yes I’m talking about my old friend and enemy, alcohol.

Day 2 of trying to rewire my brain with positive speech patterns started off well. I was focused and feeling powerful. Wednesdays I host karaoke at my local bar and I felt great. Music is my passion in life and I love sharing it with others. I feel song choices can tell you a lot about people and what they are feeling. It’s expressive, fun and as I said had me in a great mood. Enter my first error in the form of my best friend.

Don’t get me wrong I love (for the purpose of this blog we’ll call her Lola) to death, yet as my best friend I have a hard time sticking to my boundaries with her. If I’ve done something close to reckless Lola has been involved. So of “all the gin joints in all the world, she has to walk into mine.” Granted I had dropped off my fiance to hang out with her earlier, therefore it should not have been a surprise to see her. Yet when she suggested drinking after karaoke I should’ve said no.

Alcohol and I have a love-hate relationship and I know that once I start drinking with friends I have a hard time saying no and stopping when I should. Lola knows this too, but feels the shenanigans we get into is worth the risk of dealing with me. So the second mistake I made was saying, “yes drinking sounds like an awesome idea.”

So the booze was flowing, we were all joking around and then I felt like it was time to unload all my daily resentments by jokingly stating them. Rotten choice number three. Now to be fair I don’t remember this, Lola and the fiance filled me in the next day. The things I said were mean, negative and not funny at all. I have no filter when drinking and I honestly feel awful that I am a negative-Nelly. Is this really the type of person that I am deep down?

I know that I am not, so I have made my apologies to those involved and we are all moving on. I promised to myself that I would discuss some of the things I said with a clear sober mind as they need to be discussed, but not spit out in a drunken haze where there is no thought placed in the conversation. I feel like this was an important lesson in trying to improve my positivity. I accepted responsibility for my actions and I acknowledged changes need to be made. Both are huge steps on this journey.

Day 3 I will admit I felt like I had a hangover sent from the depths of Hell. Trying not to complain went out the window. I was exhausted, sore and cranky. I was not being positive. Yet, by the time I was supposed to DJ rolled around I had pulled myself out of the funk. I was not going to let two days be completely ruined by my choices.

We all have the power to choose and accept responsibility for those choices. The consequences are our own and this is what the last two days have taught me. Today is just getting to a start for this night owl, but I already feel I’ll be able to use the last few days as learning tools. Now that my brain is no longer drowning in spirits, I think I will improve my chances in succeeding in rewiring my brain.

~ The Incidental Scribe

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