I chose this next quote as my last one because #1 it comes from a song and #2 the message is very relevant to a lot of people from my past.
“Bandaids don’t fix bullet holes.” Taylor Swift
I’m a huge T Swift fan, I have to admit it. Her writing reaches me on a deep level. This line here she’s saying words like I’m sorry won’t undo the damage of your previous actions. Now the rest of the song does suggest if you do things to heal the mistakes then it could be repairable.
The line just hits me. Because I am a giving person and a people pleaser with my BPD and a few people from my past used me and abused me and thought saying sorry would always get them back in my good graces to do it again. With taking the mentalization based therapy (MBT) I have learned that I deserve better and sometimes pleasing others is only hurting myself.
So I lost four “friends” last summer who hurt me and I told them saying sorry wouldn’t work this time. They didn’t want to change their behaviors though so I had to cut my ties. It hurt, but I would heal faster from this big wound than the constant little ones.
Sometimes you have to realize that bandages only cover wounds they don’t heal them. So if you have toxic people in your life stop covering up their wounds and do something to get properly healed. You deserve better too.
~ The Incidental Scribe