Sometimes it’s all I can do to keep myself and my mind busy. Last week I was full of hope for the big changes that I am making in my life. This week, well not so much. To say I’m scared is an understatement, I’m terrified and full of self doubt. What if I can’t do this?
Now I know my case workers at therapy would tell me this is a borderline thing and I need to switch out of my negative thinking. Which part of me knows is true, my condition of borderline personality disorder does make me swing from one emotional extreme to the other. Logically I know the reality of the situation is somewhere in the middle. So how do I rework my thinking and stop my fears from derailing me from my goals? As I said for me it’s all about keeping busy.
I know if I don’t distract myself the stress will cause a fibromyalgia flare up and I’ll be in too much pain to do any of the things I set out to do this week. So today when I found myself with down time and my mind wandering back to doubts I jumped into another project. I started leveling up my character in Soulcaliber Lost Swords, yes video games make a good distraction. I find the simulated violence and the concentration on combos quite cathartic. Then it was time to mess about on all my current active social media. I follow a lot of pages that post positive messages so it’s sort of like mental training to think positively.
I also am aware that relaxing is good to do for my mental health too. So I switched to working on my crafts. Today it was my latch hook project that caught my attention. The repetitive hand motions required as well as counting out the number of colored threads I need helped my brain focus and relax. Then it was time to read a few chapters of The Vampire Lestat by Anne Rice. Studies have proven that reading reduces stress and I find Anne Rice writes in a way that keeps me enthralled.
But the best way to end the day has to be a warm bubble bath and writing my thoughts for you to read my friends. So here I soak trying to not dwell that in two sleeps I start my new courses or that I’m worried about how it will all go. Thank goodness I have Yoga tomorrow to help me refocus even more.
I think my tips for anyone experiencing self doubt right now is to do things you are good at. Remind yourself how awesome you can be and turn your fear of the unknown into determination to beat the odds and tackle the challenge. I may have to work hard to get where I want to be, but I know I can do this. Really it’s tackling one fear or obstacle at a time.
I am not my conditions and they do not control me, so why would I let them hold me back? By talking about them and my worries I bring the power back to me. Like Shera Princess of Power, “I have the power.” Instead of a magical sword though I have my magical blog and the ability to voice my concerns which usually makes them seem silly.
So find your magical power emblem and never stop striving for your dreams. The road to happiness begins internally and that’s where I’ve been focusing lately. When I’ve got that covered then it will be time to tackle the world.
~The Incidental Scribe